Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Stranger in My House



In the words of  Tamia....


You look just like the man in the picture by our bed,
 I'm checkin' your clothes and you wear the same size shoe
You sleep in his spot and you're driving his car 
But I don't know just who you are 
There's no way you could be who you say you are, you gotta be someone else 
Cuz he wouldn't touch me like that, and he wouldn't treat me like you do 
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me, so I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house.



Last week I told you how we needed to pay the kids school fees
You snapped at me and yelled you had nothing to give....you were flat broke
Didi gave me a call just last night, she saw you with the boys, 
and heard clearly when you said "Drinks are on me boys" Its my treat.



It makes me remember our little one of three years back...Only 3hrs we had to share
We didnt even get to name him....he was there and then he wasn't.
You did not talk to me for months after that, 
your silence acused me and branded me guilty of murder
I wanted us to share our grief, but you would have nothing of it.
I had lost a child too you know, yet I could not grieve, you would not let me grieve
For if I did, who would have taken care of our 2year old daughter?



You screamed at me when I cried three days back, 
Asked me to grow up and quit acting helpless and stupid
in your words "So what if you lost the job is, life happens to us all doesn't it? deal with it"
I really was going to deal with it, I guess I just wanted you to care, after all, I'm you wife for heavens sake.
I miss having you listen and tell me words that I already know
Not because I cant tell them to myself, but at least, then I know you care



My friends and family tell me I need to be strong, afterall they warned me ahead
"He's always been selfish and immature and the present pressure is more than he can handle"
"But don't act like he's a different man....he never changed you know"
Part of me hates that they're right...Part of me refuses still to accept

So here I lie in the dark, your silent snore the only thing I still can recognise
The tears dont fall but my heart bleeds in many places...Its a pain I'm becoming used to
I know I want more, I deserve more than you offer me right now
And if you're really honest with yourself ..... you'd agree that I speak the truth......

14 comments:

  1. Hi Jhazmyn, Thanks for dropping by my blog. 1st time here, I love you way you write, I write like this most times, you know. Well, you will agree with me later. I am definitely gonna be a follower.

    As for the post, Men, Life happens o. We just pray that God will give us the strength and wisdom to handle the issues life throws at us.

    If you are intersted in reading my reflective posts, let me know so I can send you links.

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  2. Hmm...very well written, it tugged at my heart. Marriage is not easy most times, especially when the two people i it are on different pages.

    ps, I love Tamia! And especially that song.

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  3. *sigh*
    Deep one babe.. very deep!
    This kind of pain seems like it would be much worse than any physical pain, chilbirth inclusive...It's fictional, I know, but many women go through this (some men too, maybe?) and they still manage to smile and keep it together for the kid's sake.... hmmmm... I just thought of that scripture "no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man; God is FAITHFUL who will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but WITH the temptation, He'll make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it"...."He gives power to the faint, and to them that have no might , He increases strength"
    note to self: never take what you have for granted.
    Thanks babe
    xxx

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  4. Is this fictional? Wow, this is indeed deep. Marriage is hardwork!

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  5. @ilola

    Thanks for the follow ilola...I really enjoyed ur blog :)

    Amen to that prayer o...life does happen sometimes, we never know how we would go through until we get there..I'm definitely interested in d posts...wud be expecting the links :)

    @Myne Whitman

    Marriage can really be complicated o, there's no hard rule that applies to it at all, each relationship is unique in its own way i tell u....I love Tamia too


    @Gbemisoke

    I make that same note to myself o...I actually heard a series of stories that led to this post and its amazing what some people go through and still remain strong.

    @Blessing

    Yes Blessing, its fictional o...kindda like a merging of several scenarios I've heard over time...Marriage no b beans at all, yet it takes the right kind of wisdom to make it right I believe

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  6. Hey jhazmyn! I've missed you. Thank you for your comment on my blog. It was painful for me to read this, because it sounds like something I would think to myself. Except I don't have kids. And the Stranger in my house? I'd be rich if I got paid each time I thought that...
    This was really well written and I can tell you are an empathetic person.

    Anyways . I am glad to be back and I am glad you haven't forgotten me. Enkay told me about you the other day :-)
    I'll be regularly visiting now whenever I have the chance. Stay blessed!

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  7. Very well written Jhazmyn.

    As Gbemisoke said, fiction or not there are women going through this same situation everyday.

    My heart goes out to them in prayers.

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  8. Oh wow!, I love this....marriage is hard hard hard work from what i've heard. My heart goes out to you if this aint fictional :(

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  9. So glad this is fiction. Not a pretty scene for anyone.

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  10. I like the way this is written...

    And I know this is not fiction for some people...

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  11. Hey jhazmyn, sorry the links to my reflective posts are coming late. I 4got 4 a while. You can read some of them here

    http://atilola.blogspot.com/2010/07/past-tense.html

    http://atilola.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-lost-my-innocence.html

    http://atilola.blogspot.com/2010/06/life-made-one-mistake.html

    http://atilola.blogspot.com/2010/07/other-woman.html

    http://atilola.blogspot.com/2010/08/family-portrait.html

    http://atilola.blogspot.com/2010/02/citizen-of-fallen-world.html

    enjoy

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  12. Hmmmmmm.......'deep sigh'

    So many issues in marriages...
    How have you been?

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  13. I had the same question as Blessing, but you've answered it. Marriage takes two, that's why what happens before the marriage is pertinent to the future of the marriage. When two people have the same foundational beliefs, it's always so much easier.

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