Tuesday, July 20, 2010

#iconfess



Last night, sleep did not come easy, so while i waited for it, i thought over the past one month and did an inventory of my thoughts and emotions...and the list below made the top three list of thoughts and feelings I'm not so proud of...

1. To the 7 wonderful women around me that are pregnant (2 sis, 1 sis-in-law, 4 friends) my thoughts were...please, don't load me with your stories of pee-ing, and back aches and barfing...if I ask, then i want to know, if i don't, i really don't wanna know

2. To my Dear Husband "D" my thoughts were, I'm on a major hormonal roller coaster so I really cant be nice all the time

3. To my friend going through a really tough time...get a grip girlfriend, life sucks sometimes so really, stop sulking and find the will to move on, I've got stuff to deal with too you know so quit your whining.


I could go on and try to explain these thoughts, but i wont, and finally as i drafted off to sleep, I smiled, cos i remembered that through the course of the day (yesterday)

1. I spoke wit all except 2 of the expectant mothers, and we shared stories and laughed real hard from our hearts

2. D hugged me real hard and whispered "You rock babe"

3. Spoke wit my friend and we thought up a game plan together, its working so far.

And for me....I'm just glad i didn't remain in that place....


PS: If you never have "un-charitabe" feelings towards others...pls kindly share your secret by comment or inbox....I really wanna know how ;), and if you're like me and u just wanna confess it...feel free to do same...I promise, i wont judge you :)
Posted on 12:02 PM | Categories:

Friday, July 16, 2010

Not the other Woman, But.....



Dinner - Check
Dishes - Check
Kitchen Cleaned - Check
Doors locked - Check
Trash out -  Check

All that was left....a nice warm shower and then snuggle in to bed, another great day had come to an end.

I tossed the towel on the bed, Mike was in the toilet, I could hear him whistling a ridiculous number as he did his business, I undressed and just as I grabbed the towel off the bell, his phone fell.

I picked it up and pressed a button to ensure that nothing had gone bad, and was relieved when the lights came on. One of his constant habits is dumping his phone after reading an sms without exiting the page, so out of habit i was about the press the exit button when i caught the words..."I'm home now..." so I proceeded to read it and it said "Oga mi, I'm home now, phew, what an exhausting ride.., Have you had dinner?, guess you'd be turning in soon, see you at work tomorrow and regards to ur wife".
I smiled and returned the phone to its pouch.

The text was from Evelyn, his subordinate at work...and for me, this had gone on for 3months too long...


For some of us married gals, this scenario may seem familiar, the spouse isn't cheating, nah...not at all, 

"this other person is just a colleague at work, a member of the same unit in church, a fellow volunteer at the orphanage...a harmless other, nothing at all in-between, not ever has there been a night out, a stolen kiss, an inappropriate hug or lingering handshake...nothing....that's how we explain when the wife gives us the.."whats with the over familiarity" look.....infact, most of our men, even when they are not guilty, once you just ask..."what was that about"...gen gen (tense music)...defenses are up.

"We were just talking o, there's nothing, she's just concerned cos I had a headache at work earlier, its just her nature, she's just generally caring, haba, but you know she has a guy she is dating...."

Guy...Chill, its not the Spanish inquisition, we just wanna know where to place the babe.

She's not the other woman, she's not a bitch, she's not a snatcher, she's not a home-wrecker..she's just the girl who wishes her "man" was as perfect as your husband, or she's the friend to your husband, who is yet to find another man that understands her and can advise her the way your husband used to....before he got married.

Problem is, while clueless hubby is just being a friend, lil miss "just a friend" is setting her heart up for major confusion, and if she's not wise enough to learn where to draw the line, someday...maybe when she's lonely, or when she just got dumped, or when she's majorly frustrated with life, or maybe even when she's just tired of waiting on her man to step up and be man like yours is, shit is going to hit the fan, and God help you if hubby doesn't have his umbrella up at that point cos shit is going to splatter all over him like fruit juice in an open blender.
Plus, someday "husband man", those late night "counseling sessions" you honestly and innocently have, advising her on her love life after group vigil in church, might turn ugly ...maybe on the night when she's so overwhelmed with "issues"

Truth is, we never plan for stuff to happen sometimes, but the wise ones understand that in life, prevention is better than cure.

So, set boundaries, let the other person understand that it can be a tad bit inappropriate to keep tabs on the well being of a married person, that's one of the perks of marriage after-all, so, he's covered, thank you, and if he's not....well, that's a story for another day....(Wife of that man O.Y.O lo wa o).

Don't encourage the other person...as silly as it sounds sometimes we women just feel, "well if he isn't pulling away, its cos he likes the attention, maybe he needs more TLC, aww, if only his wife understood how much he deserves it and more".

And most importantly, don't set your emotions up for being tested, at some point, you and wifey might have a fall out, most likely, at that point, you would be vulnerable...there's so much that can go on in a vulnerable heart, so as much as you trust yourself, guard your heart with all diligence.

And wifey, its okay to let him know you ain't comfy with a certain relationship, now this part is tricky, cos some of us are just generally insecure or possessive (jealous), being any of this can lead us to deal with matters in an immature manner and push our spouse away, but, if we are not any of the two, a calm discuss should pass the right message across.

Bottom line....in the issue of friendship with another persons spouse..both the be-friender and the be-friended should learn where to draw the boundary lines.....Have a great weekend y'all, dont we all deserve to do just that?


PS:....I guess this happens the other way round as well (wife having a male friend that gets hubby feeling uncomfortable), but i chose to concentrate on the hubby cos that seems to be more rampant.

PSS: How can we clearly define or draw the line between being careful and being jealous and over possessive?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I am not perfect....and i wont pretend I am

I am not that girl,
Always brighht and gay,
Never a frown or a scowl,
But golden smile, always I flash.

I am not that lady,
Ever, only beauty I see.
For I believe not all babies are born cute,
And some days, I scarce see the good in certain few

I am not that woman,
Welcoming my spouse always with a smile,
A hug, a dance and excitement so novel indeed.
Cos sometimes, all i want to do is scream out loud.

I am not that daughter,
Always strong and firm in faith,
Never swayed by looming frustrations.
Alas some days, trusting is the toughest feat ever.


Yet in all my flaws I find
The makings of a gem, exquisite and rare
So, pretend to be she I am not, I scarce can do
But rather embrace the path that unveils my true depths.



For those times when we wonder why we're not nicer, friendlier, smarter, more patient or more gracious than we are...here is saying, its okay not to be perfect, as long as we remain on that road that would lead us to who we have been made to be

So we don't need to pretend, by the words we say, or the things we allow others see, cos really, nothing is ever hidden under the sun..... And we never know but sometimes, our flaws teach more that our pretend perfection does....
Posted on 2:05 PM | Categories:

Friday, July 2, 2010

Fantasies of Reality

I stumbled on this last night....I wrote it in 2004...two years before I met the person who inspired it....D.


My heart beats and
    Rhythms resound in my head
            As Hand in Hand
                   And step by step
                        We dance..mesmerized beneath
                                   the starlit skies


Sweet Fantasy
    You whom i  know, yet know not
           I long for that sweet day,
                when finally my hearts desires
                     are made reality,
                          and then our love, so rich
                                Is poured out in abundance


I'm captivated by thoughts of you
    I close my eyes and I imagine
       Cold nights with me in your arms
            Sad days...my head on your shoulders
                  Joyful times...my laughter and yours
                      Silent moments...you stare in my eyes


And when the day comes
    I will be first to sing
        For then, my love for you
            Can spread her wings and fly
                Without shame, I'll shower with my all
                     As you embrace my heart
                           And hold it dear, for all days to come.

 
                       
Posted on 10:57 AM | Categories: