This post is prompted by FG's post on being open and honest in relationships.
I've learnt a great deal over the last five years when it comes to friendships, but i think the most important lesson I've learnt is how to let people be themselves but still love them all the same.
I have a friend whom I love to bits...back in college, we did almost everything together. Then life happened and i began to feel like she turned into this selfish person....Life seemed to be all bout her all of a sudden and that hurt.
I felt like i was always there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, but each time I tried to talk with her about my issues, somehow, the discussion turned back to her.
Then i got married, and bitched about how her selfishness had made us drift apart, and how, if only she had been there for me in return we could have remained good friends, and how it was all her fault that we were not as close as we used to be.
Today, I'm different from that person I used to be, and I've realized that as much as we always want people to be there through our hard times, there are those people who, despite how much they love you, cannot deal with overwhelming issues.
Like those friends who cant call us when they realize they are pregnant and we've been trying for 5years, or who never talk about their children anymore because we had that miscarriage, or those friends who cant stay over at our house when we loose our spouse, or those ones who cant hold our hands through the night in the hospital after chemotherapy has taken its toll and we're loosing hair.......
But this doesn't make them bad people, neither does it mean they love us less...they simply cant handle it.
I used to be bitter, now I'm not, I used to be sad, now I'm not...because truth is, It might not be the people you expect, but there's always a trusting ear that would listen, and a caring heart that would be there through the rough patch...and even if there isn't, we have the strength within us to walk through that path and come out strong.
I think my friendships are healthier now, not because they changed, but because i allowed my friends to love me the best way they know to, even when my definition differs from theirs.
Some may argue this and say a real friend is the one who is there for you and who you can count on...but maybe, rather than talk about their children, they pray, maybe rather than stay over they handle the details for the burial, maybe rather than stay with us in the hospital, they watch the kids and buy a fabulous wig for us on our return home....bottom line is, I guess in their own way, they show us they love us still.....Like my friend....she still let me know she cared when i got the text that read
"Babes, i dont know how you do "it" and i cant be strong like you....you're one helluva woman"
We didn't talk about the "IT" but that text was her way of saying...even though i cant deal with it...I love you all the same...and I'm glad i learnt to love her...just the way she is.