Wednesday, November 10, 2010

No title



I really am not sure what to title this, I just know I have a lot on my mind and I have decided I want to share them here, in this place.

Lately, I've been ungrateful and I hate that about me, I've bitched about my house and how much I hate the environment, how crass it is and how its wasn't in my plan to remain in this kind of environment after marriage. I've nagged about how the traffic causes me so much stress and agitation and how spending 3hours to work and 3hours back is causing me so much grief. I've grumbled about how for the past year, each time we are about to make concrete plans on our "vacation" something else comes up and we have to abort...bottom line, I've been doing a lot of grumbling lately and each time I complain, D makes a step to try and make that situation better for me, he stretches himself to try and make things more comfortable for me....and is that enough? NO, I keep thinking, all I wanna do is just get out of this environment....yeah, I've been that kind of wife and no, I'm not proud of it.

I've been the type to shake my head at people that are caught up with "keeping up with the Joneses" but lately its hit me, that's exactly what has been plaguing me of late...talk about removing the speck in your brothers eye without first dealing with the log in your eye.

I could blame it on the fear of having to keep "hustling" like I did all through most of my younger years, but hey, I'm not the first and i wont be the last. I could blame it on PMS, but news flash, I'm not the only woman in the world and others are living life just fine. I could blame it on the burden of daily round the clock stress but, I am aware that a million others face even worse stress.

All in all, I've not been a very supporting wife to a husband who has done all in his power to make his wife happy, from a face uplift at home, to getting me a driver, to promising me that vacation, no matter how small and this is my way of telling him I'M SORRY (cos he's always the first to read my blog), and also my way of holding myself accountable to change. I wanna choose contentment, and I wont stop there, I would go ahead and choose contentment. Mama didn't raise no whiner so I don't plan to disappoint her neither do I plan to compromise on the vow "for better or worse". I know life is what I make it and I know that godliness with contentment is great gain so I had better start living out what I know.

Who knows, I might take down this post in a few days to come so as not to "tarnish my image"...lol, or I might leave it, who knows, it might serve a good purpose someday, whatever the case, this post is up for now cos I believe sometimes it helps to share that chink in the armor with people who can both help you or be helped by you. And if it comes back to bite me in the behind...oh well, guess that'll make another story.


PS: I still don't have a title :)

12 comments:

  1. First, I have to apologize for not knowing when this blog came to be... I've missed alot!

    Yes, I love this post. We must always strive to look beyond road blocks; see farther than the mirage in front of us; gaze beyond the clouds to see the rainbow right after... oh, no wonder the bible says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of them all"

    - LDP

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  2. That was very strong of you tp post this, and I believe a lot of people will be helped by reading. More blessings to you and D and I hope God strengthens your decision.

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  3. You speak my language, girlfriend. But one thing suffices above all, you've got a loving and supportive husband. Hold on to that and God will take care of the rest.

    Hugs.

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  4. Loads and loads of hugs dear. I salute your courage for putting this out there.

    Always remember, the happiest people do not necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. Xxxxxx

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  5. Being able to realise when you're out of order and opening up about is huge step to being a better person and I'm sure your Hubby appreciates you, taking that's why he loves you.

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  6. @LDP

    Oh yes o, I'm sure trying to focus on the rainbow :)...tnxs for the follow bro

    @ Myne Whitman

    I sure hope pple would be helped, and a big Amen to the prayer of strength, its been a good 2days so far :)

    @ Maid of Heart

    True words sis, the more I realize I've been blessed to have him, the more i wanna do right by him.

    @koinonia

    So true, learning to make the most of what i have is the path i'm on right now


    @2cute4u

    You know, my mom always said that to me :), thanx for that reminder GF

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  7. Relax
    ...and live the life you have been dreaming about since the day you were born

    It's up to you.

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  8. @ Tisha

    True words GF...txs for that :)

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  9. Did you know I almost felt a tinge of jealousy because you have a driver? If not for God, I would have disturbed Mr. Rita...

    Anyway, it is human to feel that way and learning to be content is an art. I thank God you have realized where you are and what steps you should be taking....this picture on this post is so on point.

    Hugs...

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  10. awwww.... I'm hugging you right now! feel it? ;)
    I've read only one post and I'm in love with your blog already!! I'll be back to catch up (I see there's a lot of good stuff)
    xxx

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  11. You don't know how much your courage to be a better wife has encouraged me. Don't take it off o, I'm sure hubby liked this post as well :)

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  12. This is a touching post, I'm sure your hubby understands that even as a wife, one goes thru rough patches. But the great thing is you're uncomfortable with the feeling of being ungrateful and not being content, that's the first step towards bettering oneself and it seems like you've done that.
    I love the statement on the pic.

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