Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How do I define your love if you're not there when it hurts

This post is prompted by FG's post on being open and honest in relationships.

I've learnt a great deal over the last five years when it comes to friendships, but i think the most important lesson I've learnt is how to let people be themselves but still love them all the same.

I have a friend whom I love to bits...back in college, we did almost everything together. Then life happened and i began to feel like she turned into this selfish person....Life seemed to be all bout her all of a sudden and that hurt.

I felt like i was always there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, but each time I tried to talk with her about my issues, somehow, the discussion turned back to her.

Then i got married, and bitched about how her selfishness had made us drift apart, and how, if only she had been there for me in return we could have remained good friends, and how it was all her fault that we were not as close as we used to be.

Today, I'm different from that person I used to be, and I've realized that as much as we always want people to be there through our hard times, there are those people who, despite how much they love you, cannot deal with overwhelming issues.

Like those friends who cant call us when they realize they are pregnant and we've been trying for 5years, or who never talk about their children anymore because we had that miscarriage, or those friends who cant stay over at our house when we loose our spouse, or those ones who cant hold our hands through the night in the hospital after chemotherapy has taken its toll and we're loosing hair.......

But this doesn't make them bad people, neither does it mean they love us less...they simply cant handle it.

I used to be bitter, now I'm not, I used to be sad, now I'm not...because truth is, It might not be the people you expect, but there's always a trusting ear that would listen, and a caring heart that would be there through the rough patch...and even if there isn't, we have the strength within us to walk through that path and come out strong.

I think my friendships are healthier now, not because they changed, but because i allowed my friends to love me the best way they know to, even when my definition differs from theirs.

Some may argue this and say a real friend is the one who is there for you and who you can count on...but maybe, rather than talk about their children, they pray, maybe rather than stay over they handle the details for the burial, maybe rather than stay with us in the hospital, they watch the kids and buy a fabulous wig for us on our return home....bottom line is, I guess in their own way, they show us they love us still.....Like my friend....she still let me know she cared when i got the text that read

"Babes, i dont know how you do "it" and i cant be strong like you....you're one helluva woman"

We didn't talk about the "IT" but that text was her way of saying...even though i cant deal with it...I love you all the same...and I'm glad i learnt to love her...just the way she is.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Romance VS Stress

First off...I want to start by acknowledging the passing away of Dagrin...I just heard on my way to work this morning and the news sure dampened my spirit...I'm not a Fan but "D" was and he always told me that i didn't appreciate Dagrin cos he rapped in Yoruba, which i don't fully understand yet.

I sure wish the story was different for him, but i guess such is life, life can sure be fickle sometimes, one minute here, the other, gone......RIP Dagrin...sad this happened just when you were about to make it real big.

Now, to the title of the post...the past two weeks have been really stress filled, and this hasn't done anything good for my mojo or my sense of romance....not good, considering the fact that D is hyper on romance and mojo...lol

The day starts at 5am....we rush through two hours of traffic trying to get to the office, this week for me has been from one meeting to another, one proposal to the other, one hustling (yup, i'm a major hustler, blame it on architecture..lol) to another...and before i know it, its time to head home.

We spend another two hours (somedays three) in traffic trying to get home and by the time i get home, all i can think of is, prepare dinner, eat (on the days i can go through the motion), take a shower and sleep before the alarm tells me its 5am again.

Now for just 18months of marriage...this picture just doesn't cut it for me, i had a vision of what my marriage was going to be like and the 18months plan, sure didn't look like this...so after a really lengthy discussion with D and after getting some tips from my big sis' (that includes writefreak) , here's what we came up with, real regular tips, but sometimes, we need to remind each other of how necessary these little actions are.

1. Plan days for take outs, that way, cooking is not on my mind when I get home late....take some time to soak in a warm bath, complete with bath salts and scented candles....the rejuvenation should work miracles.

2. On nights I have to cook, boss lady should not expect me in the office until 9.30am...cos a good dose of morning cuddling or sex, would sure be appreciated by D while not affecting my efficiency one bit....after-all, everyone knows a relaxed woman covers more grounds than a cranky one.

3.Work on learning to shut up and trust D when he's on the steering...I'm paranoid like that, and tend to think I'm more careful than he is when it comes to driving....this sure increases my stress level, but for the past two days, i think my efforts are paying off, even though i had to shut up mid-sentence on several occasions.
4. They say exercising makes one feel sexier, but as the case is, the gym owes me three months membership cos the last time i was there was when we made payment....blame it on living on the mainland while working on the island....anyways, plan B is to take a walk everyday while at work, and since D and I love to fool around at home in the name of dancing...making that a regular occurrence shouldn't be a problem at all, that should cover the aspect of exercising....I hope.

So we started out on Wednesday...and it sure was worth it i tell you (wink wink), Wednesday was take out day, and after my dinner of dodo and mexican fish, and doing a little "dance act" for D, we both woke up with massive grins on our faces on thursday morning...lol

Add to that the anticipation that is building today already, and the bath salts and scented candles i just sent for...i have a feeling, tomorrow (which happens to be my birthday...YAY) would start off on a totally great note.

I guess what I'm just trying to say is, even when live happens and stress tries to choke out the romance in our marriages, we owe it to ourselves and our families, to fight to keep the romance going...its really possible if we put our minds to it.

Was chatting with my elder sis who's been married for six years, with two kids, and she's thinking of ways to convince her hubby to join her in dance classes....so salsa fairy....work your magic :)

So people, what do you guys do to keep that fire burning, do share while commenting o, you never can tell whose marriage it would save tomorrow......Have a great weekend y'all, I sure plan to, after-all, ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!!!!

Posted on 9:39 AM | Categories:

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

50th Post......a tribute to being an inspiration

The many faces of the ones I admire....all of them for different reasons....

My one and only D...For your intoxicating charm and charisma, your unrepentant commitment to growth and being the solution-guy, your big heart(which sometimes lands you in trouble...lol), for being a believer, even in the things/people that others do not believe in.

My mom...For her deep devotion to God...so deep, it amazes me sometimes and I really wish I could attain that depth already.

Alicia Keys...For the strength I percieve in her each time I listen to her voice and her lyrics...such quiet strength that gives the impression that anything is possible.

Nike Adeyemi...For her quiet strength, one look at her and you get the impression of being in the presence of a gentle and sweet soul, then a deeper look reveals the depth of strength and determination that characterises her very essence.

Daisy/Chi&Chi/Karen(My sisters)...For their sheer strength of character...Daisy,the strong,outspoken and stubborn one,who trudges on in life with clear focus and determination,seemingly unafraid of any obstacle that may appear.Chi, the mature and controlled one who never stops climbing and learning new things, who loves to be sassy and classy, who loves to constantly be on top of the ladder, no matter what the venture. Chi,the sweet and easy one whose kindness and nurturing we all embrace readily, who is always there,the shoulder to lean on,the gifted writter whose words touch deep chords and cause me to feel new things over and over. Karen, Beauty and brains, who makes no apologoies for being totally on top of her game, who embraces her flaws with grace and greatly celebrates her strengths...the one I always envied cos I wanted to be her (lol).

Kehinde Bankole...for her vivaciousness and her uncontrollable zest foe life and everything living, her hunger for success, her passion to win, her constant gregariousness and fun-attitude.

Toyosi Gbede...For her courage to face the risks, her willingness to fight the odds until at the end of the day, the dream becomes a reality.

Modupe Jebutu...For her sass and her hunger to be the IT girl (lol), for her style and her elegance. For her constant drive and search for fun laughter and hapiness.

Will Smith...For his ability to diversify and yet be top notch in every area he ventured, for the wisdom to know when to pull out of one and face the other and yet still be remembered even years after for the one he pulled away from.

To these ones (to name but a few)who have been my inspiration all these years, I duff my hat...

To the ones I have inspired, I hope to be more, so you in turn can dream even more than you do now.

To the ones you inspire and would inspire tomorrow...you owe them (as well as yourself) your desire to keep being the best you that you can and ever would be...

Here's to the beauty in being an inspiration, cos everyone is, even the most mundane of us, in ways we never knew.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Thankful....In the spirit of Easter

Its been a great week/weekend....Starting from tuesday till date.

From Lagos to Abuja

Coincedentally, "D" and I both had official business in abuja so we decided to do the trip together...and boy, was it fun...From the blast of heat that greeted us at the airport as we landed in abuja (which writefreak still insists is better than it is in Lagos...yeah right...lol) to the cab ride with the philosophic cab driver who took his time to explain how Lagos is better than abuja and how abuja is filled with educated prostitutes and jigolos..lol.....to being able to spend two whole days with Writefreak...which included a home cooked meal (yes...she sure loves to cook) and a night out in town spent eating fish, drinking and having good conversation.

From Abuja to Lagos

So we finished in abuja on thursday and decided...and extra day for relaxation would be a brilliant idea...right?....


We got to the airport friday 7.30am, hoping to be in Lagos...latest 9am...well, we did get to lagos by 9..but it was pm rather than am...thanks to the crowd we met at the airport...well, at least killing time was fun as we treated ourself to a movie and a wondeful lunch of pounded yam and uha soup...(i just have to include a visual...enjoy.

Anyways, the wait wasnt so bad, thanks to the fact that i had hubby by my side all the time.

Within Lagos

So we missed out on a house warming/after wedding celebration with a friend on friday..thanks to the delayed flights...but hanging out with the family sure made up a great deal for it...The nieces and nephews engrossed in their mischief..the grand parents beaming with pride...the parents, thankful for the few minutes of rest (with the wives ensuring that dinner and if possible sunday breakfast would be well packed before they leave the granparents...lol)...lots of noise, catching up on family gossip...the men screaming on top of their lungs discussing politics...it was pure fun.

That is why, I didnt quite get it when I woke up with a heavy heart this morning...I didnt quite get it when I woke up thinking of all the prayers still unanswerd....so this post is actually to remind myself of all the things that I should be grateful for, and I'm glad i did it, cos as i type, I'm reminded of Love, Family, Great friends,  Great jobs (even though i've started to feel the itch to move on), Great food, even great conversations...so many things to be grateful for...and so , in the spirit of Easter....Even though, i got to church this morning and turned back for home just minutes after i walked in....Right now...In my heart and with my mouth...I sing a song of VICTORY.....Thank You God for this great life I live and the awesome one yet to come.

Posted on 1:38 PM | Categories: