Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Silence Doesn't mean that I'm alone

Days in which i saw reason, more than ever to hope.
Reason to believe that it was soon to be,
To believe that it already was.
I had prepared my testimony...only to realise today.
...It was just false alarm.
I"m confused and I just dont get it
You knew, didnt You,
You had to know...You always know
I just wonder why You let me believe.

I dont know how much of this I can take,
It wears me down...
My eyes, like my heart, so heavy from the downpour.

You see, it really would have been cool 
If i didnt get that false sliver of hope
Cos I was in such a great place
with faith and trust,
but this....this just about shatters me
and i feel so bruised in many places.




Yeah, thats me, ranting at God...I went to bed last night, so furious, and when i woke up, this rant was on my lips.

I paused at this point of my prayer and just lay still, letting all the grief pour out (Do you too feel hurt on some deep level that it begins to feel like a physical pain?), and in the brief moment i paused, i remembered the words....where can I go from Your presence (Thanks Jaycee)...and the words from the song..."Consider all that He has done, stand in awe and be amazed, know that He would NEVER change....Be still"....

Sometimes, like this morning, i dont hear Him speak, but i feel Him, even in that place of hurt, i feel Him, and so i just lay there, as the sobbing slowly subsided, and finally stopped.

All day, I've been silent, but not the silence of grief...its the silence of understanding. Its easy to look to the heavens and ask ... WHY ME!!!!, its easy to feel betrayed and failed when it seems God isn't working things out for our good, but trust is understanding that...in ALL things, God works for our good, in the death of His son, even when Jesus cried out and wept...He did not make the pain go away, yet, that was God, working it ALL out for our good.

So yes, I have the moments when i weep, yet still i know, now and forever, You are God and there is none like You, indeed, You work ALL things out, for my good.

13 comments:

  1. For some reason, I can relate to this post even though I do not know the details.

    I thank God that despite everything, you could still feel (and accept) His presence.

    God bless you as you worship Him and bring before Him your sacrifice of praise.

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  2. Amazing post... I have times like this but I remember that He has the final say!

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  3. Just wanted to share Psalm 42 with you...
    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2042&version=NLT

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  4. He is always God and He sits on the throne. I like that passage, Be still...

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  5. "A false sliver of hope"...I don't like it when that happens. But when you have hope, nothing can spoil the moment. Hope (in God) is like someone offering us a tray of biscuits and we either choose to say "yes" or "no."

    I know you'll choose yes. So be strong...*smile*

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  6. I def feel you...I was feeling the same way during the week....but God is faithful...he's def working it out....all the best love!

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  7. when He says no to our requests, its sometimes because He has a better plan, ultimately everything will work for our own good. stay strong!

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  8. I have just a few words for you...

    'Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning'

    You are in ur night period but very soon, your morning will come and you will rejoice. God honors his word and as his child, you are no exception to benefiting from it.

    Just be patient. He may be testing your faith just to see how long you can hold and if you'll trully stay faithful. He is ever searching to find out those who truly seek him.

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  9. @ Rita

    Amen...Most times i think about it, i realize that i have come to a place in my walk with God where i understand that He is all that I've got, so much so that giving up on Him is not even an option

    Thanks for that passage too

    @ Harry

    He sure has the final say o...How're you doing

    @ Myne

    He is sovereign and above all....so sorry I haven't been over at yours of recent, i do plan to rectify that ASAP


    @Jaycee said...

    I totally choose to say yes o...I really loved that post of yours about the gall and vinegar...its been on my mind all week

    @ Blessings

    I do hope you're feeling much better now dear, God sure works everything out and that's what I'm waiting for now.

    @Femme Lounge

    I sure believe He is working for my good, so I hold on still. Thanks a bunch

    @ Afronuts

    Amen and amen, i do pray I pass the test. Thank you for those encouraging words

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  10. I can really relate to this post. There are times i feel why did God let this thing flash at me, I was better off when i was not thinking about it.

    I console myself with the fact that he has said there is an expected end, and just maybe that thing i wanted so badly is not part of my expected end. He is God anyway.

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  11. I totally get this post...I have been in this state so many times...we're only human

    And then we remember He is God..and He is our father and He wants the best for us!

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  12. Did the writer of Psalm 88 fell like this? But he kept going, "But as for me, Jehovah, I cry unto thee ..."

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  13. I have times like this but I remember that He has the final say!
    data entry work from home

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