Friday, November 6, 2009

I dunno......

 I've been AWOL for so long pple, and i've missed every single one of much to write about but for some reason i cant get the words out...i've been blog hopping but find it hard to leave comments...its a season, and it'll pass soon. 

Enjoy the story below...hope its makes and interesting way to start the weekend

I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do but my friend Doris was certain it was.

“You’ve been barren for 8 years now and you have tried everything to no avail. Isn’t an unsure decision a better option than no decision at all?”
I was not sure of how my husband would take it. I knew men didn’t take kindly to such, particularly a free thinker like my husband. But men being what who they were did not care so much, even about critical issues as this.

“Don’t worry; it is until your husband knows how much you have put into this that he will appreciate how dearly you want this child. Moreover the man is not a juju man. He is just a herbalist”
I tried thinking of the differences between juju man and herbalist but it all seemed like one person to me- the red garbed scary man we saw in home movies who usually perpetuated evil acts and ended up dying by Holy Ghost fire or nemesis.

My mind was very disturbed. Doris’ compelling insistence had won eventually and she’d come to pick me from work after I had feigned a fainting spell during lunch.
“The weekday is the best time to go so you don’t have to lie to your husband- he would not find out anyway”

“Doris!” As if she knew what husbands were?

She was my best friend; we were both thirty-six and the longest relationship I had a recollection of her having barely lasted six months. Now here she was teaching me about what husbands wanted.
I sat in her car, thinking as she drove: all the years of Sunday school, absolute faith in God, sermons of heaven and hell and fiery reprisals started to haunt me. As it pulled me in all directions, I remained still- he is just a herbalist I found myself saying self reassuringly. He is not a juju man.

We eventually arrived the place and against a certain compelling inner will, I walked behind Doris (albeit apprehensively) into the small bungalow tucked in-between a failed bank building that had been shut down and a barber’s shack. No 37 hung unsuspectingly askew from the number panel.
We took two steps down into along corridor, turned a right and stopped at a door.

For your spiritual healing powder,
Love rings, money power,
Contact Papa Shingo. Herbalist power, no evil. 07028336104

I squinted my eyes to read the sticker on the door. Before us stood a clean shaven middle aged man, naked to the torso wearing only shorts- with an entanglement of chest hair that looked like termites clinging to a mound.
I averted my gaze quickly from his chest to catch his eyes but I noticed his eyes dipped slightly below my crucifix pendant. As he welcomed Doris who apparently was no stranger to him, I shifted uncomfortably.

“Can we sit? Your spiritual highness.”
“Oh yes, sit, I dey come”

Doris motioned me into one of the cushion chairs in the small sitting room where we were ushered into. I sat nimbly on the edge of one of the chairs waiting for a moment to express my discomfort to Doris but she had chosen to sit opposite me across the centre table, denying me the opportunity of a side whisper.

The man came back in with a bowl of leaves and some other objects I could not identify and gave it to me to whisper into the bowl what my problems were. All the while he did not take his eyes away from my cleavage. As I spoke into the bowl, I looked up more than once to catch his lewd gaze.
I finally gave the bowl back to him after mumbling inanities into the weird salad bowl.
“I’m done sir”
“Sir? It is your spiritual highness my daughter”
“Your spiritual highness”

I looked at the man who would only be a few years older than us.
My daughter? I sat closer to the edge of my chair, disgust beating hard against my chest.

After receiving the bowl he sat on a chair that looked like a throne and closed his eyes as he sang an esoterically worded song that screeched at high octaves with a constantly recurring word- Shumba.
After the freak show, he opened his eyes and looked into my eyes for the first time that afternoon.

“My daughter you are looking for child?”
“You will baff”
“Hmm! you will baff”
I strained my ears to hear him.
“Your problem is spiritual one and we will use spiritual soap to wash it away. You will come on Friday at 12 night-vigil to baff. After the baff all the problem will disappear. You will get a child”

I saw Doris nodding her head at his every stressed consonant giving me that I-told-you-he-was-powerful

look. As he finished, we all paused: I bewildered and Doris reverently listening, apparently lost. Doris finally broke the silence.
“Ok your spiritual highness, she will come on Friday. Here is something we brought”

As Doris put her hand in her purse, the man motioned her not to worry.
“Just bring her, Friday. She will baff? Hmm we will baff her and she will get a child”

I did not speak a word to Doris on my way back home. Even though she spoke of how the man had cured his current wife (the third) of 10 years barrenness and eventually ended up marrying her.

As I held on to my husband (maybe a bit too tightly later that night) I had a dream where a large lizard with saliva drooping from it mouth kept looking at my naked body and shouting,
“You will baff”

I got this from a friend and really wanted to share...kindly show him some love here on blogville.

Have a great weekend y'all 


  1. Nice to see you around again. Hope you're good. Let me check out the story writer, nice one...

  2. lol....for some reason i found that story funny.

  3. Welcome back and thanks for your comment on my blog. Well written story with room for development. Have a great weekend

  4. Glad you found some time to post :)

  5. The story sounds so real and I know when one is desperate, they forget where they are coming from.

    But I also know that there is none greater than the One True God, who is mighty in miracles, works and power. HE is faithful.

    Welcome back...

  6. @Myne Whitman
    Thanks Dear

    @Leggy said...

    I did too u know...even after i read the second and third parts


    I did have a lovely weekend, thanks and i loved ur recent post on Joseph


    I'm glad myself

    Word girl...word