Thursday, September 5, 2013

Breathe Deep...Be Thankful!!!

Picture Courtesy

Sometimes Most times, You don't come through for me the way I want you to, but I've learnt that its okay cos the bottom line is...YOU ALWAYS COME THROUGH for me.

I look around and I'm amazed at how much you've been by my side every single day. 

I think of how I'm vexed that the friends I though would be an anchor, end up not being there..and then, I take a moment to reflect. That's when  I remember...

...The words of encouragements from that other friend... the "I just thought of you and decided to buzz" from the one I didn't even expect would carry me in her heart... the words of wisdom from the one who might not always be there to grab a cup of coffee but whose knees are always willing to bend in prayer with me.

I have them..These amazing women that color my life in many ways. We don't have much in common but i realize that in this season, they are my very special blessings from You. 

So like the picture above says...TODAY, I WILL BREATH DEEP AND BE THANKFUL ( No more pouts over not having my way, cos what is my way compared to yours? when life has daily taught me that in every single way, you've got me covered.

1000 GIfts - Joy Dare

16 - Thankful for the gift of amazing prayer partners

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Monday, July 15, 2013

He Shows Up

We've all had our "Issac moment"...

...That moment when God asks us to let go of that one thing He gave us, that one thing we love with all our hearts  that one thing we feel we can't do without.

Hubby and I had a shared moment recently. We'd been praying for a change in levels career wise and increased income and then... BAM!!! Out of the blues, it happened. No hustling, no scheming, just plain God's favor.

There we were, on a high...praising this God who stepped in at just the right time, when, hubby had the leading one day during our quiet time to sow his first fruits.

It wasn't an issue. We had quite a buffer in our savings so we could swing by, but between an exorbitant exam fee for hubby, 5 visits to the mech to change major parts in the car, and other family obligations, our buffer was beginning to run thin.

To make things more interesting, my salary got slashed...some rather interesting office policy that left everyone rather confused and mad. Yet thanks to the fact that our "one man business" of a company does not have an employee handbook, there wasn't much we could do to contest it.

While driving one day, hubby asked me to help him calculate his first fruits. We got to realize that day that we both had differing views of what constituted a persons first fruits. 

To him it was the differential increase in income, to me it was all of the new income. Suffice to say, he felt at war within him after that conversation and felt the nudge to give it all. 

The day he signed the cheque, he said it was a struggle, but he heeded to the part of him that was at peace with his decision and went ahead, telling God the ball was now in His court.

That same day, I got a call for a new project... two days later he went in to negotiate and signed for both the job agreement and the receipt of a cheque for ANOTHER job the same client needed done ASAP.

A few weeks after, we got a deal on another job and the payment came in right on time...and this has been the trend through out this month. We have experienced God "provide for our needs" according to His own riches, not ours. He's been so amazing, we haven't even had the need to go back to our savings...its been awesome.

I guess each time He shows Himself faithful, I get excited, its something I don't think I can get used to, cos He keeps outdoing Himself.

So next time you have your Isaac moment...remember who He is. The one who says "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."...(Jer 29:11 MSG). That is the God we serve.

I stumbled on this as I was online this morning...I love the message...Have an amazing week people. xoxo

1000 GIfts - Joy Dare

14 - Thankful for the gift of provision 
15 - Thankful for the grace to walk in obedience

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Double Grief

Thud! Thud!! Thud!!!

The clumps of sand hit Iyke's coffin and I doubled up in pain again, silent tears poured down my face as Nkemjika
, my elder sister held on tight to my shoulders, her own sobs making her body vibrate beside mine.

I wanted to be strong, I wanted to stop the crying, Iyke wouldn't like this. Even when the cancer took its toll, he kept making jokes, he refused to be sad. I wanted to be strong, like I promised him I would...but I just couldn't. I fell to my knees and I just wanted to be with him, wrapped in his embrace one last time.

"Dimma! DIMMA!!!! Have you seen your wickedness? I have not only lost my only son, I also do not have a grandchild from him. DIMMA, how do you want me to remember my son biko nu. I hula onwe gi, I bu nwa ojo Dimma, You are a wicked woman. 
You are not ready, you are not ready....ARE YOU READY NOW THAT HE IS GONE EEEE!!!!!

Mama's words came back to me, Ijeoma and Obianuju, my sisters-in-law, both sat in silence as she spat out more hurtful things, their silence cutting as deep as mama's words.

Who would I tell? Who would I explain this to? How do I let them know that last Christmas reunion, when I said I was not ready for babies yet, I was only covering my husband's pride?

Two days before the reunion we had received his lab results. Abnormal sperm morphology and low sperm count. He was crushed, but I wasn't, I knew the God we served, I knew it was just a matter of time. I knew diet and medication could help, so when mama raised up the matter again, reminding us that our third year anniversary was just a few months away, I had to say something. I had seen the look on his face as she spoke, the pain, the frustration...I knew my husband felt he had failed me and I hated that so I laughed and told mama we were just waiting to be ready, that he was waiting because of me.

How was I to know he'd be diagnosed of leukemia the next month, How was I to know that this man who was my rock and my life would soon leave me all on my own? 

He scolded me that night, told me mama would be bitter at me for claiming I was the reason we didn't have kids, but I waved away his fears, I told him God would change our story soon...

The grave was covered now, I saw well wishers walking towards us, I saw mama too and reached out to her, to share her grief in this final moment . She snatched her hand from my grasp and spat out some words I couldn't really make out. Nkemjika grabbed me up and started to steer me towards the car, as we went she explained to the people that I wasn't up to talking.

I felt my heart wrench, this pain was physical. Iyke was gone and now I had lost his family too. They were all I had left of him, yet I knew my sisters-in-law would never stand up to mama, they feared her too much to even try.

We got home and I saw that mama had gotten there ahead of us, I walked up to her and tried to hug her but she pushed me aside. She looked at me with cold eyes and said
"Stop this pretense Akudimma, I can never forgive your wickedness"

"Mama" I pleaded, "We need each other now, I understand that you are in pain. A mothers pain is far different from a wife's pain but mama we need each other to come through this. We both have...."

"I don't have any need for you Akudimma, and just so you know, I have decided that I would be moving in next month. I would give you time to decide where you want to move to, let it not be said that I kicked you out into the streets. 
The day you decided to deprive my son of a continuing legacy was the day you ceased to be my daughter, I have nothing else to say to you"

For one moment I was too shocked to speak, then it hit me, there was no redemption with mama, there was neither love nor empathy in her heart anymore where I was concerned. She had turned to walk away so I held her back by the shoulder

"Mama, this house was built by Iyke and I, for the family we wanted to have. By your own words you have disowned me as a daughter, and while I might be powerless to change your mind, I have every power to decide what happens in this house. MY HOUSE!!
To me, you would always be my mother, and if you choose to forgive whatever wrong you feel I  have done you, you would give me reason to be happy once again, because at least I would still have Iyke somehow through you.
You are welcome to stay as long as you want, but please understand this mama, you would never move me out of my home."

I walked into my room and slammed the door. My whole body shaking, I took iyke picture off the dresser and hlding it to my chest, I sank to the floor.

Why Iyke, WHY!!!!!!

* biko nu - Please
* I hula onwe gi - You see yourself
* I bu nwa ojo - You are a terrible child
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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Beautifying the little....cos its really big

An overheating car, a new nanny that had been of little or no help all day, a whole weekend of thorough spring cleaning (and my joints still testified to that)...I told myself I was justified as I sent out the BBM.

"Hey bro, so sorry but I cant make it...the car is overheating so have to try and fix it".

Well, I'm going to fix it, even if not today, its still not a lie. Its not advisable to take a kid out with a faulty car, what if it started over-heating again half way....and on and on, my mind tried to justify my decision, tried to squelch the slight guilt I felt stirring.

A few seconds later, he replied with "OK"...and that was it....or so I thought.

He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.(Luke 16:10)

Those were the words from devotion this morning...and my unfaithfulness in the seeming small weight heavy on me. In all honesty, I could make it. If the invite had been different, if the expectations had been grander, I would have called up my cab guy, packed a bag for my lil' miss and headed over to do what I had earlier said I would do. But i felt "I could skip this and make next month instead, its not like its a do or die affair, they would understand".

And so today, I'm sending out this prayer from my heart.

Not just the big, but the little too, 
Not just the grande but the small as well.
I want to make the small glow, make it sparkle.
Make it much more than the earth may believe it is.

I want to be the one that you use to beautify the little places, 
The one that pours out heart and soul, everyday, every time, every task.
The one through whom the little becomes the big
The one who does this big task of making the small a thing of importance.
Just like it should be

Find me faithful in the little, Find me available for the small.

 1000 Gifts - Joy Dare
10- Thankful for the correction of a loving Father and Friend

11- Thankful for second chances
12- Thankful for the beauty of small beginnings

13- Thankful for the grace to be faithful

Friday, March 1, 2013

The gift of Vulnerability

She spoke the words and they stung...

Boy did they sting. Yet I just smiled and turned my face to the window. My wondering mind began to re-collect, cold words spoken, indifference and a "not-so-subtle" change in character...Laughing hard at me, I realized, I had fallen prey to my heart once more

 “And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you"....

Christime Feehan's words taunted who once again, had taken a relationship to be more that it actually was. 

I don't do this so often, my heart is not that unruly, but when I find a kindred spirit (well at least I always believe they are), my heart opens up like the morning glory does to the rays of sunshine.

Its been two weeks, but finally, I'm back to me...see, I'm not ashamed that I gave more than I received, neither do i regret that I believed what was not. Cos in life, I've learnt that to be vulnerable is to be alive, to be strong...I'd rather live and hurt than be dead so I do not hurt, and to live life void of vulnerability, is to live yet be dead

 “I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.

Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.”  (Luke 6:35-38)

 So once again, I pick myself up, re-align my heart with reality and wait, cos I know, come tomorrow, I will be vulnerable again...Vulnerability is not weakness, Vulnerability is strength, its courage. 

So when next you love without being loved in return, remember this...To be able to feel love, that in its own is a gift...cherish it, rejoice in it, then step back and let the other person just be.

We bumped into each other yesterday, we chatted, we laughed, she mentioned how we don't ride together again...I smiled a genuine smile as I said "maybe sometime soon". 

 1000 Gifts - Joy Dare
7- Thankful for the gift of vulnerability

8- Thankful for the gift of forgiveness
9- Thankful for the gift of healing

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Joy Dare - An embrace of faith

In my usual way, I tossed all the clothes on the bed.

I was going to do my parade. Try them on one by one and then sashay for the hubby so he could "yay" or "nay"....that's our way, or should I say my way. Sometimes, I think I bully him into sitting through it, but not today, today, he too was game.

It was the third item I pulled out, cotton, blue, and beautiful. The first thing I loved about it was its color and as I unfolded it, I realized what it really was...a gift of faith, a gift of dreams. 

....God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did;  Rom 4:17b (NKJV)

Faith wrapped itself around my heart and in that one gift she gave, I received a multitude of gifts...strengthened faith, joyful expectations, re-assurance, indescribable calm, peace, hope...a heartwarming sense of being loved by God through this vessel, my very own angel, my sister.

It is a blessing to walk in faith, A bigger one to have hands that hold yours as you take that walk, hands that stay, hands that remain, reminding you of He who speaks and whose words are Ye and Amen.

And I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou may know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel. (Isaiah 45:3).

 1000 Gifts - Joy Dare
3- Thankful for the gift of encouragement 
4- Thankful for the gift of peace even in the waiting
5- Thankful for the gift of amazing relationships
6-Thankful for the gift of expectations

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


A female warrior 
In between battles,
Vulnerable in all the right ways yet protecting the vitals

Bowed before her Lord;
Firm grip on sword -
Weary perhaps but no where near defeated or giving up.

Lots of fight power still within; 
Surrounded by a backdrop of green - 
Growth, rejuvenation, new beginnings filled with promise; 

Head might be bowed 
But only in submission 
In acknowledgement of her Lord, her source, her worth.

Wielding the Samurai's sword
She defies the odds.
Breaking the norm, she's you, she's me, she's US.

- Dumebi Ogboli (a true friend, an amazing sister)

PS: Hope we get past the partial nudity and appreciate what was seen in this picture :D.
Posted on 1:14 PM | Categories: